Wednesday, December 22, 2010

3 days til Christmas - JESUS BIRTHDAY

with all the hustle and bustle I create for myself I am trying and trying to keep a "calm" around my children not letting them know that Momma hasn't finished shopping or cleaning the house (ok they can tell on this one) or even wrapped ONE GIFT.  I try several times per day to remind them that the ONLY reason we celebrate Christmas is because God sent his son to be born of a virgin Mary....yep, gets lots of questions, what's a virgin? how'd he send him? Does God have super powers?  you know the drill... I try to remind myself as well that it doesn't matter how many gifts my children get or if their friends get the better gift or the IT gift.  I try to remind them and me that if they have JESUS in their hearts that this is the greatest gift of all!

Each day with my "special" children can be so taxing.  As I watched Grace yesterday, home from school where she had missed her medication, literally bouncing from place to place and talking so fast that I know even SHE had no idea what she was saying, I was still thankful that she is in my life.  She is a true handful and I worry and pray for her mental health every single day.  She has such a good heart it's beyond difficult to watch her inner demons fight among themselves.  Pray for my little girl.  My Mother loved Grace so much.  Her last full sentence to me was to be gentle with Grace, take time and NOT to give up!  Momma, I am trying and I see your love when I look at my daughter.

Nathan is just full of wonder this Christmas time.  He lost his first tooth last week.  That is a big deal for a micro preemie because sometimes they have to be pulled instead of coming out on their own.  I think of the miracle named Nathan and how so many doctors thought he would just "not"....not be able to do so many things.  I LOVE to watch him accomplish each new thing...even the small things, I LOVE IT.  I LOVE hearing him say Momma come snuggle me...this from a child who could have easily had reactive attachment because for months in the NICU HE COULDN'T BE HELD!!!  He has bonded and for that I am grateful.  We take each day and when he drifts off to sleep each night I look at his little angel face and I am so thankful.

Noah is so grown now.  You know teenagers, they know so much.  The burden they carry on their shoulders is enormous.  I remind myself that one day, he, just like I did, will look back and say "My parents weren't so dumb afterall"...he's a GOOD BOY with a good heart!!!  He works harder at his studies than any child his age that I know....dyslexia causes him to work that hard.  I AM SO THANKFUL he hasn't become frustrated and given up.  I am thankful he words harder than he has to on his studies.  I want to be around to see what this young man does in his life.  It will be awesome I know.

Well they are all awake up and needing something so I will stop my ramblings.  I ramble mostly so that I will remember how I feel on these days...or that one day my children will want to read this and know how my heart felt.  IT FEELS FULL OF matter how tired I am, how discouraged I get, how behind I am, how dirty my house may heart if FULL of love - I LOVE MY BABIES!!!

Merry CHRISTmas friends....and CHRISTmas it shall always be in my household!!!


Wednesday, October 27, 2010

it's been a while/NEW Adventures of Old Simerly's

Wow...I haven't done this "blog" thing in a while.  I can't seem to find time to shower much less write in a blog.  (kidding of course).

Well since I have last posted Noah fell down the stairs at home, hit his head, thus a concussion.  Hopefully that is all healed now.  His latest injury is a broken foot.  The bone between his big toe and his foot (you know on the GROWTH PLATE) well he broke that!!!  Just walking, bless his heart.  He is growing SOOO fast that his bones and his body can't keep up.  He has literally grown almost 6 full inches since January.  He's a big boy.  NOT FAT, just a big tall, big boy!  We are waiting til Monday to see if he will be able to play basketball this season.

Grace is growing tall as well.  I always thought she would be a short petitie little thing but nope, she is gonna be tall too.  She has (overall) had a better 4th grade experience than 3rd grade.  She has had some ups and downs but she is trying.  She is in the afterschool program at her school and it gives her time to socialize and get her "wiggles" out...I really think this was one of the best decisions I have made on her behalf.  It seems to be helping her get through the school day with a brighter outlook.  She knows she is gonna get to play with her girlfriends for 2 hours.

My little one, Nathan, who has just done SOOOO well up to this point is starting to have a few "issues" with behavior at school.  He has found that he HAS a voice (remember we were told he may never walk or talk) and he uses this voice to say NO.  Sometimes he says "NO" to people he should NOT say no to!  Just this week he has decided he didn't WANT to participate in what they were doing in gym so he said "NO" can't make me....AND HE DIDN'T!  Well, if that didn't humble a parent enough, the very next day he decided he didn't want to participate in MUSIC either so he "JUST SAID NO".  Wow, now if I can make sure he will JUST SAY NO to drugs as a teen right?   I have found that this little boy can be the most stubborn of my children.  When I do stop to really think about him though, how on earth could he have gotten to this point in life if he hadn't been stubborn.  15.5 ounces, 9 inches and 20 blood transfusions in the first 3 months of life.  Retina's detached & put back on....oh I could go on and on but you get the picture.  He is ONE STUBBORN lil' boy!

I have done a lot of soul searching the past few months and have come to some new "AHhhhh HAaaa" moments.  I need to elaborate on those but hubby just walked in the door and I need to get dinner ready for the family.  Tonight is Church night!

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Beginning of the second week/NEW Beginnings

Here it is Sunday evening and I am full of mixed emotions again.  I give my children and hubby back to the World tomorrow.  It's back to school and work.  I feel so safe when they are right here within my grasp.  Silly isn't it?  I know my "birds" need to fly.

Speaking of which, this first week of school has been a great week for the kids.  Everything is new and fresh in the beginning isn't it?  Just like a baby, who doesn't LOVE a new baby?  (ok you can't count the sleepless nights cause that can make us all second guess it).  The new feeling will wear off soon (back to school now) and I hope and pray that when it does we are left with a peaceful understanding that will guide us through.  Heaven knows we had enough struggles in the 2009/2010 school year to last for a few years.  THAT was a rough year for BOTH my older kiddos. 

Now, something that is not NEW this week, my dad gum knee.  I hurt my knee again which has made me have to sit a lot this weekend and AS USUAL my precious husband stepped up to the plate.  One day I am going to write a complete blog on how God has blessed me with such a wonderful husband and Daddy to our kiddos.  I have my steriod shot SERIOUS OUCH scheduled for Tuesday and I am hoping I don't have to "abort" this one like last time.  I am ready for some relief.  GETTING OLD IS FUN! time for that here.

Well I just wanted to update myself as to my week so I can fill in the gaps later.  Hopefully this NEW week will bring happy memories and good times!

Friday, August 13, 2010


While my children were playing today I was able to read a little.  As I was reading my mind began to wander.  My mind talks to me sometimes...(I KNOW THERE IS A NAME FOR THAT~ LOL).  Anyway, my mind "REMINDED me that Jesus loved everyone BUT...he was especially fond of those who were deemed "unlovable".  You know the type, the difficult type.  For example, Mary Magdalene has been said to be a prostitute.  He loved the Woman at the Well and forgave her sins.  He touched a Leper and made him whole.  Well obviously these are just a few that Jesus "loved" when others didn't or felt they shouldn't/couldn't. 

If you know me well you will understand why my mind wandered to this while watching my children play.  I get so frustrated at times because mental illness is so difficult to watch.  It is so hard to see your precious child suffer from something that OUR doctors have found no cure.  My mind wanders A LOT!  I wonder what will happen when I am not there to protect my child.  Who will "fix" what my child has broken...WHO WILL LOVE MY CHILD when I can no longer be here to do that?  Who will love my child when they are no longer a child but an adult with these "issues"??  Who will take the time to understand that behaviors are NOT always learned behaviors.  Who will love without question? 

I am so thankful that we have a Lord who will LOVE US UNCONDITIONALLY.  I am thankful that I KNOW that Jesus love my children because they were HIS children first.  He just allowed me the experience of raising them...of loving them. 

Many days are hard, difficult days.  If you haven't experienced a child with disabilities then thank the Lord for your blessings.  If you have experienced a child with disabilities, then thank your Lord because I feel that he "hand picks" people to parent his "special" children.

"LORD HELP ME HOLD ON me understand that I can't change certain things but help me to remember ...

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

My parents...

Everyday, YES EVERYDAY, of my life I miss my parents.  I started parenting much later than my parents.  My Mother was 26 when I was born...I was 36 when my OLDEST was born and 43 when my youngest was born.  I pray EVERY SINGLE DAY that I am able to see them all grown with happy lives of their own.  I want to see what MARVELOUS things my babies will do in this WORLD, each one of them.  Every child should be given a chance at GREATNESS!!!  Do you ever just want to go back in time and have a "do over"?  Do you ever wonder if you had chosen a different path where you would be now?  I KNOW for a fact that I have made a lot of mistakes in life but had I made different MAJOR decisions I would not be where I am with a wonderful husband and 3 fabulous children.  Children not born through me but TO me!!!  I feel that each of my children were destined to be mine.  These children were not given to parents with great riches but they certainly couldn't have had parents who loved them more than I do!  I ADORE my children...I am happiest when they are happy!

I remember my Daddy used to say the CRAZIEST thing.  He would say, Pal, I think I love you too much!  I used to think, well that is just silly...but as a parent I SO GET IT!!!  When I reflect on my childhood probably the BEST part of it all is the fact that NEVER, not once, did I EVER question my parents love for me.  I know they adored me just like I do my children.  I was their World.  It was a simple family and a simple World but I can honestly say, I never had I day when I wondered if I was loved by someone while they were living!!  I want my children to be able to say that too~~

We were driving home from Pigeon Forge on Sunday and my oldest was talking about loud fast cars.  Dave and I started the conversation of what a NEW life that is going to be for us when he is 16 (not far away mind you).  I CAN NOT IMAGINE how my parents felt when they saw me drive off in SOME of the cars with dates/friends when I was a teenager.  WOW...I wish so much that they were here so I could say, "I AM SORRY".  I know I worried them on many occasions.

My Daddy was born to a coal miner in 1930 and had, what I consider, a rough life.  He was the oldest child.  Interesting that my Mother was the youngest of her family, a railroad family and I think Daddy just resumed the role of taking care of her when they married.  Momma was 19 when she & Daddy married.  He was her through a window at Fourmile Baptist Church and told his best friend to look, that was the girl he was going to marry, sure enough in just 4 months they were married and stayed that way til death did them part!

My first ever blog

I am so not sure how this "blog" thing works but I have so many blessings in my life that I can't seem to post them all on FB so I decided I could blog about them and allow my feelings to be on "paper" without everyone having to block my posts.

It is ONE WEEK before school starts back...we are in count down mode.