with all the hustle and bustle I create for myself I am trying and trying to keep a "calm" around my children not letting them know that Momma hasn't finished shopping or cleaning the house (ok they can tell on this one) or even wrapped ONE GIFT. I try several times per day to remind them that the ONLY reason we celebrate Christmas is because God sent his son to be born of a virgin Mary....yep, gets lots of questions, what's a virgin? how'd he send him? Does God have super powers? you know the drill... I try to remind myself as well that it doesn't matter how many gifts my children get or if their friends get the better gift or the IT gift. I try to remind them and me that if they have JESUS in their hearts that this is the greatest gift of all!
Each day with my "special" children can be so taxing. As I watched Grace yesterday, home from school where she had missed her medication, literally bouncing from place to place and talking so fast that I know even SHE had no idea what she was saying, I was still thankful that she is in my life. She is a true handful and I worry and pray for her mental health every single day. She has such a good heart it's beyond difficult to watch her inner demons fight among themselves. Pray for my little girl. My Mother loved Grace so much. Her last full sentence to me was to be gentle with Grace, take time and NOT to give up! Momma, I am trying and I see your love when I look at my daughter.
Nathan is just full of wonder this Christmas time. He lost his first tooth last week. That is a big deal for a micro preemie because sometimes they have to be pulled instead of coming out on their own. I think of the miracle named Nathan and how so many doctors thought he would just "not"....not be able to do so many things. I LOVE to watch him accomplish each new thing...even the small things, I LOVE IT. I LOVE hearing him say Momma come snuggle me...this from a child who could have easily had reactive attachment because for months in the NICU HE COULDN'T BE HELD!!! He has bonded and for that I am grateful. We take each day and when he drifts off to sleep each night I look at his little angel face and I am so thankful.
Noah is so grown now. You know teenagers, they know so much. The burden they carry on their shoulders is enormous. I remind myself that one day, he, just like I did, will look back and say "My parents weren't so dumb afterall"...he's a GOOD BOY with a good heart!!! He works harder at his studies than any child his age that I know....dyslexia causes him to work that hard. I AM SO THANKFUL he hasn't become frustrated and given up. I am thankful he words harder than he has to on his studies. I want to be around to see what this young man does in his life. It will be awesome I know.
Well they are all awake up and needing something so I will stop my ramblings. I ramble mostly so that I will remember how I feel on these days...or that one day my children will want to read this and know how my heart felt. IT FEELS FULL OF LOVE........no matter how tired I am, how discouraged I get, how behind I am, how dirty my house may be....my heart if FULL of love - I LOVE MY BABIES!!!
Merry CHRISTmas friends....and CHRISTmas it shall always be in my household!!!