Beginning of the second week/NEW Beginnings

Here it is Sunday evening and I am full of mixed emotions again.  I give my children and hubby back to the World tomorrow.  It's back to school and work.  I feel so safe when they are right here within my grasp.  Silly isn't it?  I know my "birds" need to fly.

Speaking of which, this first week of school has been a great week for the kids.  Everything is new and fresh in the beginning isn't it?  Just like a baby, who doesn't LOVE a new baby?  (ok you can't count the sleepless nights cause that can make us all second guess it).  The new feeling will wear off soon (back to school now) and I hope and pray that when it does we are left with a peaceful understanding that will guide us through.  Heaven knows we had enough struggles in the 2009/2010 school year to last for a few years.  THAT was a rough year for BOTH my older kiddos. 

Now, something that is not NEW this week, my dad gum knee.  I hurt my knee again which has made me have to sit a lot this weekend and AS USUAL my precious husband stepped up to the plate.  One day I am going to write a complete blog on how God has blessed me with such a wonderful husband and Daddy to our kiddos.  I have my steriod shot SERIOUS OUCH scheduled for Tuesday and I am hoping I don't have to "abort" this one like last time.  I am ready for some relief.  GETTING OLD IS FUN!  lol...no time for that here.

Well I just wanted to update myself as to my week so I can fill in the gaps later.  Hopefully this NEW week will bring happy memories and good times!

"pondering"

While my children were playing today I was able to read a little.  As I was reading my mind began to wander.  My mind talks to me sometimes...(I KNOW THERE IS A NAME FOR THAT~ LOL).  Anyway, my mind "REMINDED me that Jesus loved everyone BUT...he was especially fond of those who were deemed "unlovable".  You know the type, the difficult type.  For example, Mary Magdalene has been said to be a prostitute.  He loved the Woman at the Well and forgave her sins.  He touched a Leper and made him whole.  Well obviously these are just a few that Jesus "loved" when others didn't or felt they shouldn't/couldn't. 

If you know me well you will understand why my mind wandered to this while watching my children play.  I get so frustrated at times because mental illness is so difficult to watch.  It is so hard to see your precious child suffer from something that OUR doctors have found no cure.  My mind wanders A LOT!  I wonder what will happen when I am not there to protect my child.  Who will "fix" what my child has broken...WHO WILL LOVE MY CHILD when I can no longer be here to do that?  Who will love my child when they are no longer a child but an adult with these "issues"??  Who will take the time to understand that behaviors are NOT always learned behaviors.  Who will love without question? 

I am so thankful that we have a Lord who will LOVE US UNCONDITIONALLY.  I am thankful that I KNOW that Jesus love my children because they were HIS children first.  He just allowed me the experience of raising them...of loving them. 

Many days are hard, difficult days.  If you haven't experienced a child with disabilities then thank the Lord for your blessings.  If you have experienced a child with disabilities, then thank your Lord because I feel that he "hand picks" people to parent his "special" children.

"LORD HELP ME HOLD ON TODAY...help me understand that I can't change certain things but help me to remember ...
YOU CAN~"

My parents...

Everyday, YES EVERYDAY, of my life I miss my parents.  I started parenting much later than my parents.  My Mother was 26 when I was born...I was 36 when my OLDEST was born and 43 when my youngest was born.  I pray EVERY SINGLE DAY that I am able to see them all grown with happy lives of their own.  I want to see what MARVELOUS things my babies will do in this WORLD, each one of them.  Every child should be given a chance at GREATNESS!!!  Do you ever just want to go back in time and have a "do over"?  Do you ever wonder if you had chosen a different path where you would be now?  I KNOW for a fact that I have made a lot of mistakes in life but had I made different MAJOR decisions I would not be where I am with a wonderful husband and 3 fabulous children.  Children not born through me but TO me!!!  I feel that each of my children were destined to be mine.  These children were not given to parents with great riches but they certainly couldn't have had parents who loved them more than I do!  I ADORE my children...I am happiest when they are happy!

I remember my Daddy used to say the CRAZIEST thing.  He would say, Pal, I think I love you too much!  I used to think, well that is just silly...but as a parent I SO GET IT!!!  When I reflect on my childhood probably the BEST part of it all is the fact that NEVER, not once, did I EVER question my parents love for me.  I know they adored me just like I do my children.  I was their World.  It was a simple family and a simple World but I can honestly say, I never had I day when I wondered if I was loved by someone while they were living!!  I want my children to be able to say that too~~

We were driving home from Pigeon Forge on Sunday and my oldest was talking about loud fast cars.  Dave and I started the conversation of what a NEW life that is going to be for us when he is 16 (not far away mind you).  I CAN NOT IMAGINE how my parents felt when they saw me drive off in SOME of the cars with dates/friends when I was a teenager.  WOW...I wish so much that they were here so I could say, "I AM SORRY".  I know I worried them on many occasions.

My Daddy was born to a coal miner in 1930 and had, what I consider, a rough life.  He was the oldest child.  Interesting that my Mother was the youngest of her family, a railroad family and I think Daddy just resumed the role of taking care of her when they married.  Momma was 19 when she & Daddy married.  He was her through a window at Fourmile Baptist Church and told his best friend to look, that was the girl he was going to marry, sure enough in just 4 months they were married and stayed that way til death did them part!

My first ever blog

I am so not sure how this "blog" thing works but I have so many blessings in my life that I can't seem to post them all on FB so I decided I could blog about them and allow my feelings to be on "paper" without everyone having to block my posts.

It is ONE WEEK before school starts back...we are in count down mode.